Just did a recent HIV test and proven negative.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A love not meant to be
I grew up in a family like most people did, both parents working and most of the time, I felt neglected. I went to school, worked part-time and had to earn my own pocket money. I was very independent. However I dropped out during my secondary school days and went out to work. Life was hard. My salary was barely enough for myself and because of that, I decided to go back to study for my Os.
Upon completing, it was already almost time for me to enlist into NS. It was during then I got to know her. Let's call her Lyn. We got to know one another through teletext -> Penpal and we wrote to one another very often. Before long, we decided to meet up.
It was a Saturday and we met up at Selegie to play billiard. She brought her boyfriend along and introduced to me. It was then we came out often with or without her boyfriend at times. All these while I was single and though I had a very good impression of her, there were some constraints, her boyfriend. I did not want to be the third party.
It wasn't before long I got to know another girl and let's call her Michelle and I also got to know her through teletext. I shall not go into detail about her as for now. We went into a relationship but I still maintained contact with Lyn though not as frequent. I did not know whether do I really love Michelle but she was the one who courted me. But most importantly, I can feel her sincerity during then. We were together for about 8 months when Lyn paged me one day. (The first light-weight generation handphone models (2nd from the left beside the 大哥大 which were just released during then) and it was expensive. Earning less than 700 bucks then as a recruit, I could not afford it.
I went to the public phone and called her. She was sobbing. I got worried. I told her I will try to come out to find her and that I will call her back in a while. I went to my PS(platoon sergeant) and asked if I can book out for a while and he questioned me for the reason. Could not tell her my friend is in need, sure tio kan. So I came out with other excuses but was also kanned by my PS. So request rejected and off I went to re-queue for the phone. Those who were in the army during my times without handphone should know the fucking queue is damn fucking long. Nevertheless, I still joined in the queue. When it was my turn, I called her up and asked what was wrong. She told me her bf has just broken up with her.
When I heard the news, I felt helpless yet I wanted to rush to her side to lend her my shoulder to cry on. I felt sad hearing her sobbing through the phone. I could only stand there dumbfounded. No words came out from my mouth. I did not know what to say to comfort her. After a while, I told her I will go straight to her place upon booking out on the coming weekend. She said ok. I told her I will call her again on the next opportunity.
For the next few days while having training, she was constantly on my mind. As promised, I called her whenever I can during short breaks/meal breaks etc.. Anyway, when I booked out on that weekend, as promised, I went straight to her place and called her at the void deck. She came down looking a little sad, yet still as beautiful as ever. Can see the fatigue in her eyes. She told me she has not been sleeping well. I asked her where did she want to go? And she told me anywhere as long as she is not at home. I told her ok but I need to go back home to change out of my smart 4 first.
She went up to change and make up while I waited for her downstairs after which she followed me home. We went out for a game of snooker as usual. That night we went for a drink. Nothing unusual happen.
Weeks and months passed and that was our routine. We went out every weekend and I drifted away slowly from my gf. Then the day came when I knew we could not longer avoid that question. She popped the question first. We were out drinking in town as usual. Tipsy yet happy with each other's companion. We strolled down Orchard Road and then she turned round suddenly and asked me "Are you in love with me?" I was stunned that she asked me that. I did not know how to answer her. I just went "why? erm.. ask such a question all of a sudden? We are good friends isn't it?" "Stop avoiding my question. Just answer it" she retorted.
"Erm.. I really duuno how to answer....I " "You are a coward!"
My face blackened. "Am I?"
"The NG I know last time is not like this. 他是个敢爱敢恨的男人"
"Wa need to say until like this meh? Dun so emo leh...Isn't it good this way? We are happy right?"
She began to walk faster. I followed behind, both quiet now. When we reached the MRT, we boarded the train. She gave me that look as though I owed her money. I did not know what to say so I chose to remain silent. When my destination was about to reach, I asked her whether do I drop off or do I continue the journey and send her back? She kept quiet and gave me a even more dulan look. So LPPL, I never drop off and I sent her home. In the past, we go back on our own. After sending her home, I left and went home. By then, I already own my own 1st handphone. I received an SMS from her. "You break off with your gf and be with me can?"
I did not reply her message. For the next few days, we did not contact anymore. Life went on as usual but when weekend arrived, she called me again and asked me what was my answer. I told her "I cannot break off with my gf just because of you. Doesn't it occurred to you that I will break off with you in future because of another girl, you get what I mean?"
"Ok I'll give you time to consider then. Give me your answer by Christmas."
I kept silent. Did not want to commit anything. So we went out as usual again every weekend and it was not long before Xmas was just round the corner. Again she pressed me for the answer. I kept quiet.
Soon Christmas passed and everything was still as usual. She dropped me an SMS again. I can sense her frustrations and impatience in the message. Her last resort was to give me time till Valentine's day to give her an answer.
Not to miss out, all these while we were going out as purely friends. No intimacy at all. We became a little distant and our outings were no longer that frequent. I began spending more time with my girlfriend but however, we began to develop some problems between us.
It wasn't long before Valentine's day was just round the corner and on that day itself, I decided to break off with my gf. It was the worst gift a guy can give to a girl but I did not want to deceive myself or drag on the relationship any longer. It wasn't gonna be fair to my girlfriend as well. But I did not tell Lyn about our breakup though she did contact me and asked me for my answer. My stand remains the same as I did not want to commit into another relationship so fast.
Gradually she stopped contacting me...... It was just the beginning.......
When she totally stopped contacting me, I was confused during then. However I also did not try to call her. Our outings on weekends ceased. My life went on without her presence. It wasn't long before I got to know another girl (shall not include her in this story).
Time flew and I completed my NS and also diploma in a local polytechnic. Then I went on to take a degree. During lecture 1 day, I received a call from a very familiar number. I excused myself and went out of class to answer the call. It was Lyn. She asked how have I been and whether can I meet her during then. I told her maybe after my lecture. We put down the phone and I got back to class. However, I felt restless and left the class in less than 5 minutes. I called her back and asked where shall we meet. Once location and timing decided, I rode my bike down to look for her.
I arrived earlier than her so I looked around the surroundings to see whether will I be able to recognise her after few years.
Then a car stopped over and a pair of fair slender legs slided out from the car after the door opened. It was Lyn. I was surprised that she was already driving. She walked over and we greeted each other, with smiles. In her arms, she was carrying a book, more like a photo album. We sat down and chatted like long-lost lovers, just lacking the intimacy. Then she asked if she wanted to see the album she has brought down. I said sure. Opening the album carefully, there were 2 pictures of a baby. Rather taken aback, I flipped through faster and faster. All these while, she kept quiet. Then I closed the album all of a sudden and I asked
"This is?"
There was a short pause.
"This is my daughter"
"With whom?" "Can't be mine" these thoughts ran through my mind. We have not reached that stage in the past.
"My husband"
"Your husband???"
Short pause again.
"Yea"
I also paused. My mind was in a whirl to ask the next question.
"Then where's your husband? Shouldn't you be accompanying him tonight instead of asking me out?"
This time, there was a longer pause before she replied.
"Eh he has gone overseas for a business trip and will not be back so soon."
At that moment, my heart seemed to be in knots. In my mind, "then why the fuck you ask me out when you are already married with a kid?"
Nevertheless, we chatted just like before, good old times before we decided to go back. Nobody mentioned anything about meeting up again. The week passed rather quickly and before I knew it, it was TGIF! Before I knocked off from work, I received a SMS. It was Lyn. "Wanna meet up tonight to sing K?"
I almost immediately smiled and my colleague even asked whether am I sianning some char boh out there. So time and placed selected by Lyn and after work, I made my way there. She did most of the singing whilst I did most of the drinking. She has a strong and beautiful voice. The night soon came to an end and we went back home.
We met once every week from then onwards for a session of KTV or pool session. Then the question came into my mind 1 night when I reached home. Many years ago, We were in love with each other but weren't together because we were both in a relationship at different time. So what if now the feeling rekindled? I tried to brush this feeling aside but it kept bothering me each time. So eventually, I gave in and sent her an SMS after 1 outing and asked
“Last time, we liked each other…….. do ya think the feeling may come back?”
After a short while, I received a reply. "I did think of this few weeks ago. You damn slow, now then begin to wonder?" I did not reply her. I decided to leave it to nature. Life went on. I was having a reunion gathering with my NS buddies the following weekend.
On the day itself, while preparing to go out, Lyn called me.
"Where are we going today?"
"OOps I forgot to tell you I got a gathering with my army friends tonight."
"Can I join in?"
"Huh? all guys leh... I don't know whether any of them bringing gfs. Let me check and get back to you?"
"ok lor"
As such, I made a call to 1 of my NS buddy and he said some are bringing partners along so it's ok.
I sent an SMS to Lyn and she asked me what time to meet and location etc.... Decided on the time and location and off I went.
I arrived at Marina South 15 minutes earlier to meet Lyn first. Waited for about 10 minutes before I receive a call from Lyn.
"Hey where are you?"
"I am just behind the steamboat"
"ok!" and almost immediately I saw a car stopped in front of me. I ushered her to go park her car first before we go meet my friends together. I saw her drove away and parked into an available slot. The car door opened, (honestly speaking, I have forgotten what she wore that day) she stepped out of her car. She looked as good as ever.
We greeted each other and then I called my NS friend to enquire their exact location. We joined in the group and they were having steamboat dinner. After dinner, they decided to adjourn to Double O. We decided to tag along!
Most bros should know the drinks at Double O was damn cheap in the past. If I am not wrong, $12 or $15 per jug of housepour/beer. So instead of ordering jugs to share. We had 1 jug each. Some ordered Vodka Ribena, Whisky Coke, beer etc......I shared 1 jug with Lyn as she was driving, I did not want her to drink too much. One of my cheeky friend posted a question to us
"Hey Lyn, last time when NG was in the army, we already saw both of you dating... don't tell us you have been with him for so long? Never give us a chance ar?"
I wanted to replied him no but before my mouth could react faster than my brains, Lyn replied "Yalor." With that, she came closer to me and hugged me with 1 arm around my neck. I was sitting on a high chair while she was standing with her high chair behind her. This was the first time I was so close to her. My heart started to beat faster, so fast that I could barely breathe. I was totally taken aback by her answer.
She started to giggle while hugging me. I asked her "why? What's wrong"
"Your expression.. Hahaha"
"What's wrong with my erm... expression?"
"not...nothing"
With her still close beside me, I whispered into her ears, "Why did you tell my friend you are mine all these while?"
"Does it make any difference?" She replied with a cheeky grin.
I kept quiet and now both my arms locked around her.
My friends kept asking Lyn to drink but I told them she was driving and cannot drink so I had to drink on her behalf. It was not even midnight yet but I was already almost half-gone. Seeing Lyn slightly tipsy as well, I asked her whether should we make a move first? She nodded and so I excused myself from my friends by telling them Lyn has to go back already as she still have to work the next day. They only allowed me to go provided I finish half a jug. So no choice, struggling with whatever soberness left within me, I downed slightly about ½ jug. Luckily the housepour my friend passed over was already slightly diluted with the ice.
While walking down the steps, I nearly fell and Lyn came to hold my arms and asked if I am ok. I told her those guys are crazy, mixing this and that together. Lyn just kept quiet and told me she will send me home first. I asked if she is sober enough to drive and she nodded her head. All these while we were holding hands.
Upon completing, it was already almost time for me to enlist into NS. It was during then I got to know her. Let's call her Lyn. We got to know one another through teletext -> Penpal and we wrote to one another very often. Before long, we decided to meet up.
It was a Saturday and we met up at Selegie to play billiard. She brought her boyfriend along and introduced to me. It was then we came out often with or without her boyfriend at times. All these while I was single and though I had a very good impression of her, there were some constraints, her boyfriend. I did not want to be the third party.
It wasn't before long I got to know another girl and let's call her Michelle and I also got to know her through teletext. I shall not go into detail about her as for now. We went into a relationship but I still maintained contact with Lyn though not as frequent. I did not know whether do I really love Michelle but she was the one who courted me. But most importantly, I can feel her sincerity during then. We were together for about 8 months when Lyn paged me one day. (The first light-weight generation handphone models (2nd from the left beside the 大哥大 which were just released during then) and it was expensive. Earning less than 700 bucks then as a recruit, I could not afford it.
I went to the public phone and called her. She was sobbing. I got worried. I told her I will try to come out to find her and that I will call her back in a while. I went to my PS(platoon sergeant) and asked if I can book out for a while and he questioned me for the reason. Could not tell her my friend is in need, sure tio kan. So I came out with other excuses but was also kanned by my PS. So request rejected and off I went to re-queue for the phone. Those who were in the army during my times without handphone should know the fucking queue is damn fucking long. Nevertheless, I still joined in the queue. When it was my turn, I called her up and asked what was wrong. She told me her bf has just broken up with her.
When I heard the news, I felt helpless yet I wanted to rush to her side to lend her my shoulder to cry on. I felt sad hearing her sobbing through the phone. I could only stand there dumbfounded. No words came out from my mouth. I did not know what to say to comfort her. After a while, I told her I will go straight to her place upon booking out on the coming weekend. She said ok. I told her I will call her again on the next opportunity.
For the next few days while having training, she was constantly on my mind. As promised, I called her whenever I can during short breaks/meal breaks etc.. Anyway, when I booked out on that weekend, as promised, I went straight to her place and called her at the void deck. She came down looking a little sad, yet still as beautiful as ever. Can see the fatigue in her eyes. She told me she has not been sleeping well. I asked her where did she want to go? And she told me anywhere as long as she is not at home. I told her ok but I need to go back home to change out of my smart 4 first.
She went up to change and make up while I waited for her downstairs after which she followed me home. We went out for a game of snooker as usual. That night we went for a drink. Nothing unusual happen.
Weeks and months passed and that was our routine. We went out every weekend and I drifted away slowly from my gf. Then the day came when I knew we could not longer avoid that question. She popped the question first. We were out drinking in town as usual. Tipsy yet happy with each other's companion. We strolled down Orchard Road and then she turned round suddenly and asked me "Are you in love with me?" I was stunned that she asked me that. I did not know how to answer her. I just went "why? erm.. ask such a question all of a sudden? We are good friends isn't it?" "Stop avoiding my question. Just answer it" she retorted.
"Erm.. I really duuno how to answer....I " "You are a coward!"
My face blackened. "Am I?"
"The NG I know last time is not like this. 他是个敢爱敢恨的男人"
"Wa need to say until like this meh? Dun so emo leh...Isn't it good this way? We are happy right?"
She began to walk faster. I followed behind, both quiet now. When we reached the MRT, we boarded the train. She gave me that look as though I owed her money. I did not know what to say so I chose to remain silent. When my destination was about to reach, I asked her whether do I drop off or do I continue the journey and send her back? She kept quiet and gave me a even more dulan look. So LPPL, I never drop off and I sent her home. In the past, we go back on our own. After sending her home, I left and went home. By then, I already own my own 1st handphone. I received an SMS from her. "You break off with your gf and be with me can?"
I did not reply her message. For the next few days, we did not contact anymore. Life went on as usual but when weekend arrived, she called me again and asked me what was my answer. I told her "I cannot break off with my gf just because of you. Doesn't it occurred to you that I will break off with you in future because of another girl, you get what I mean?"
"Ok I'll give you time to consider then. Give me your answer by Christmas."
I kept silent. Did not want to commit anything. So we went out as usual again every weekend and it was not long before Xmas was just round the corner. Again she pressed me for the answer. I kept quiet.
Soon Christmas passed and everything was still as usual. She dropped me an SMS again. I can sense her frustrations and impatience in the message. Her last resort was to give me time till Valentine's day to give her an answer.
Not to miss out, all these while we were going out as purely friends. No intimacy at all. We became a little distant and our outings were no longer that frequent. I began spending more time with my girlfriend but however, we began to develop some problems between us.
It wasn't long before Valentine's day was just round the corner and on that day itself, I decided to break off with my gf. It was the worst gift a guy can give to a girl but I did not want to deceive myself or drag on the relationship any longer. It wasn't gonna be fair to my girlfriend as well. But I did not tell Lyn about our breakup though she did contact me and asked me for my answer. My stand remains the same as I did not want to commit into another relationship so fast.
Gradually she stopped contacting me...... It was just the beginning.......
When she totally stopped contacting me, I was confused during then. However I also did not try to call her. Our outings on weekends ceased. My life went on without her presence. It wasn't long before I got to know another girl (shall not include her in this story).
Time flew and I completed my NS and also diploma in a local polytechnic. Then I went on to take a degree. During lecture 1 day, I received a call from a very familiar number. I excused myself and went out of class to answer the call. It was Lyn. She asked how have I been and whether can I meet her during then. I told her maybe after my lecture. We put down the phone and I got back to class. However, I felt restless and left the class in less than 5 minutes. I called her back and asked where shall we meet. Once location and timing decided, I rode my bike down to look for her.
I arrived earlier than her so I looked around the surroundings to see whether will I be able to recognise her after few years.
Then a car stopped over and a pair of fair slender legs slided out from the car after the door opened. It was Lyn. I was surprised that she was already driving. She walked over and we greeted each other, with smiles. In her arms, she was carrying a book, more like a photo album. We sat down and chatted like long-lost lovers, just lacking the intimacy. Then she asked if she wanted to see the album she has brought down. I said sure. Opening the album carefully, there were 2 pictures of a baby. Rather taken aback, I flipped through faster and faster. All these while, she kept quiet. Then I closed the album all of a sudden and I asked
"This is?"
There was a short pause.
"This is my daughter"
"With whom?" "Can't be mine" these thoughts ran through my mind. We have not reached that stage in the past.
"My husband"
"Your husband???"
Short pause again.
"Yea"
I also paused. My mind was in a whirl to ask the next question.
"Then where's your husband? Shouldn't you be accompanying him tonight instead of asking me out?"
This time, there was a longer pause before she replied.
"Eh he has gone overseas for a business trip and will not be back so soon."
At that moment, my heart seemed to be in knots. In my mind, "then why the fuck you ask me out when you are already married with a kid?"
Nevertheless, we chatted just like before, good old times before we decided to go back. Nobody mentioned anything about meeting up again. The week passed rather quickly and before I knew it, it was TGIF! Before I knocked off from work, I received a SMS. It was Lyn. "Wanna meet up tonight to sing K?"
I almost immediately smiled and my colleague even asked whether am I sianning some char boh out there. So time and placed selected by Lyn and after work, I made my way there. She did most of the singing whilst I did most of the drinking. She has a strong and beautiful voice. The night soon came to an end and we went back home.
We met once every week from then onwards for a session of KTV or pool session. Then the question came into my mind 1 night when I reached home. Many years ago, We were in love with each other but weren't together because we were both in a relationship at different time. So what if now the feeling rekindled? I tried to brush this feeling aside but it kept bothering me each time. So eventually, I gave in and sent her an SMS after 1 outing and asked
“Last time, we liked each other…….. do ya think the feeling may come back?”
After a short while, I received a reply. "I did think of this few weeks ago. You damn slow, now then begin to wonder?" I did not reply her. I decided to leave it to nature. Life went on. I was having a reunion gathering with my NS buddies the following weekend.
On the day itself, while preparing to go out, Lyn called me.
"Where are we going today?"
"OOps I forgot to tell you I got a gathering with my army friends tonight."
"Can I join in?"
"Huh? all guys leh... I don't know whether any of them bringing gfs. Let me check and get back to you?"
"ok lor"
As such, I made a call to 1 of my NS buddy and he said some are bringing partners along so it's ok.
I sent an SMS to Lyn and she asked me what time to meet and location etc.... Decided on the time and location and off I went.
I arrived at Marina South 15 minutes earlier to meet Lyn first. Waited for about 10 minutes before I receive a call from Lyn.
"Hey where are you?"
"I am just behind the steamboat"
"ok!" and almost immediately I saw a car stopped in front of me. I ushered her to go park her car first before we go meet my friends together. I saw her drove away and parked into an available slot. The car door opened, (honestly speaking, I have forgotten what she wore that day) she stepped out of her car. She looked as good as ever.
We greeted each other and then I called my NS friend to enquire their exact location. We joined in the group and they were having steamboat dinner. After dinner, they decided to adjourn to Double O. We decided to tag along!
Most bros should know the drinks at Double O was damn cheap in the past. If I am not wrong, $12 or $15 per jug of housepour/beer. So instead of ordering jugs to share. We had 1 jug each. Some ordered Vodka Ribena, Whisky Coke, beer etc......I shared 1 jug with Lyn as she was driving, I did not want her to drink too much. One of my cheeky friend posted a question to us
"Hey Lyn, last time when NG was in the army, we already saw both of you dating... don't tell us you have been with him for so long? Never give us a chance ar?"
I wanted to replied him no but before my mouth could react faster than my brains, Lyn replied "Yalor." With that, she came closer to me and hugged me with 1 arm around my neck. I was sitting on a high chair while she was standing with her high chair behind her. This was the first time I was so close to her. My heart started to beat faster, so fast that I could barely breathe. I was totally taken aback by her answer.
She started to giggle while hugging me. I asked her "why? What's wrong"
"Your expression.. Hahaha"
"What's wrong with my erm... expression?"
"not...nothing"
With her still close beside me, I whispered into her ears, "Why did you tell my friend you are mine all these while?"
"Does it make any difference?" She replied with a cheeky grin.
I kept quiet and now both my arms locked around her.
My friends kept asking Lyn to drink but I told them she was driving and cannot drink so I had to drink on her behalf. It was not even midnight yet but I was already almost half-gone. Seeing Lyn slightly tipsy as well, I asked her whether should we make a move first? She nodded and so I excused myself from my friends by telling them Lyn has to go back already as she still have to work the next day. They only allowed me to go provided I finish half a jug. So no choice, struggling with whatever soberness left within me, I downed slightly about ½ jug. Luckily the housepour my friend passed over was already slightly diluted with the ice.
While walking down the steps, I nearly fell and Lyn came to hold my arms and asked if I am ok. I told her those guys are crazy, mixing this and that together. Lyn just kept quiet and told me she will send me home first. I asked if she is sober enough to drive and she nodded her head. All these while we were holding hands.
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